Communication

Even though it is sometimes painful and often difficult, I generally value frank and transparent communication, especially in important relationships.

It allows for greater exchange of information, which provides a better foundation for decisions, including decisions about interpretations to make, actions to take, and more.

(That said, people react to one another — when you communicate something, you have to know that the other person is going to react one way or another. That might make you react, and so on. When giving and requesting information, you have to take into account the chain of reactions that may happen. You’re only responsible for your own feelings — it’s not your fault if so-and-so reacts a certain way, nor are you obligated to make them feel or react differently; but you do need to allow them their own feelings / reactions.)

It allows for healthy conflict management — without communication, conflicts are often felt but not resolved. With communication, conflicts can addressed so that both sides better understand one another and so that resolutions can be worked out. Not that communication guarantees satisfactory resolutions — but conflict-avoidance can’t create any resolution at all.

(That said, there are times when you might not pursue communication very aggressively — DBT says to decide the intensity of making a request or of denying a request based on the likely effects on your goal, your relationship, and your self-respect.)

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