Group

This will probably strike at least someone as funny. I think it’s funny, too.

I’ve never really been part of a group before — I mean a group like this, the playgroup Amy and I participate in.

Frankly, it’s a little confusing sometimes. (I know text doesn’t convey tone well — trust me, I’m writing lightly and with humor.)

There’s the weekly group playdate on Wednesdays — that’s not confusing.

Occasionally I’ll get together privately with one or two other moms and their kids — that’s not all that confusing either, although sometimes I have a hard time knowing how to communicate about it. What do you say when one mama asks what you’re doing this weekend, and you’re going to be getting together privately with another mama? I always thought it wasn’t polite to talk about exclusive plans in front of people who aren’t invited, but then again answering a question like that isn’t like just announcing my plans.

I recently started something I’m calling Friday Few. I like the large group on Wednesdays, but also getting together with just one or two others allows for a little more depth in conversation, and a little less chaos and noise, too. At first, before I started Friday Few, I tried inviting people individually, which was tricky, because if I invited someone (for Friday) on Monday, I might find out on Thursday that they weren’t able to come, and then I’d only have one day’s notice to try inviting someone else. (And I find it challenging to be flexible and gracious when things change on short notice.) So with Friday Few I use a Facebook note, and whoever signs up first for a given date is scheduled. It keeps the playdate very small, but it doesn’t hurt any feelings because everyone is still invited.

Tomorrow is the first one someone signed up for. She asked if we could meet at her house instead of mine, and we’re probably going to take the strollers around to the town-wide yard sales. Two playgroup mamas are having sales, and others will likely be shopping, too. It shouldn’t be awkward if we run into anyone, since the Friday Few thing is public and all. And yet… (rolls eyes at self).

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person who feels awkward hearing about someone else’s plans with someone else, or running into people who are hanging out with each other, or anything like that. I know that people get together, and I’m not always included, and sometimes I am, and both are okay. And yet — I still feel so adolescent sometimes about all this social stuff!

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Group

  1. Welcome to the world of the social awkward! I, like you, prefer small, less chaotic ‘groups’. It is how we are made. However when I am not included I also feel like, am I that awful to be around? (but usually I really don’t want to be part of it anyway!) That is also the way we are made. As I have aged I have tried to be less sensitive and more accepting of myself.
    I still deal with ‘niggly’ doubts.
    Have a wonderful day today. Jan

  2. Jan, yeah, that sounds like me! I am working on the less sensitive and more accepting bits, too. Not less sensitive as in unaware or unreflective, but learning to use wise mind and not believe irrational things.

  3. Hi Marcy! I have really enjoyed reading some of your blog pages today. Thanks for sharing so much of your life. I would say invite all, if they want to turn up they will, if not don’t worry about it. It’s their loss and they won’t know what they are missing!

    Enjoy the time you spend with others, it makes our personalities grow. The more you do it the more comfortable you will feel. I come across as full of confidence but actually there is a little girl inside that struggles with large groups of people too. It’s really hard but try to overcome those feelings as much as you can 😉

  4. Big purple dragon, thanks for visiting; I think the Friday Few idea is working well so far, and I definitely continue to participate on Wednesdays with the large group.

  5. yep, i sometimes feel awkward when I hear about others plans and wonder why i wasn’t invited, but I am lucky I guess that I am not a go, go, go person, so having less commitments is actually better for me. I think we sometimes connect better with come people from a large group and know that more one on one time with them would be enjoyable, know what I mean. For example, in high school I hung with a group of 9 girls, including myself and there were groups of 3 that were closer to each other. So, for small gathering it was usually our small groups, but for big things usually all of us went together. Sometimes 9 was just not a reasonable number to have though!
    We are still on for the 8th, just know we might be a wee bit late. The only dr. appt. they had open that morning was at 9:10, but it is usually a pretty quick visit and you aren’t far from the hospital where the office is.

  6. Yes, yes, yes.

    This tension — between natural affection and institutional inclusion — is pretty interesting. I remember it in the youth group I worked with — sometimes the other leaders were so interested in making sure kids mixed and got past their comfort zones, that they didn’t allow any time at all for natural affection and the development of natural friendships — as if natural affection were a bad thing that Christians aren’t allowed to have. My therapist helped me to think about loving your neighbor as a broader idea than being best friends — sometimes loving a neighbor is simple kindness, momentarily being there, etc.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s