How much faith I lack…
There are times I doubt God’s existence, and times I doubt his goodness and love — I mean, I believe he’s good and loving, but I wonder sometimes if he defines good and love in ways I would see as evil and hateful.
For example — I can imagine God allowing me to be homeless, abandoned, betrayed, for twenty years, without even any sense of his presence or comfort — and still he would be good and loving.
So either I have an amazingly strong faith, or an amazingly weak one, or both.
The main thing, I guess, is that I don’t want to be homeless, abandoned, betrayed, for twenty years, without even any sense of his presence or comfort.
And so I fear God, because he might let it happen (or any of the many other things I fear).
Anyway, on the way home from Bible Study tonight, we were listening to my friend Tom’s CD, which includes an instrumental of the hymn, The Church’s One Foundation, and when we got home I got out my hymnal and sang it and a few others, including How Firm a Foundation, which has lots of great verses, especially this one:
The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.
And some phrases to chew on, like those bolded in this verse:
When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.