I would like to be more gracious.
I want to know how to have my own will and opinions and desires and consider other people’s too.
I don’t want consideration for others to obliterate me — the way I tend to withdraw inside myself and try to stop wanting or willing or thinking or feeling anything, and to just observe and try to fit in properly and do what’s expected or have no impact at all, draw no attention.
I don’t think that’s really what consideration for others is — relationship requires persons, and I want to be a person and let other people be persons, too, instead of anyone playing doormat.
I also don’t want my will and desires and opinions and thoughts and feelings to so intrude on everyone else that they (the other people) are obliterated — I know I can be pushy and particular and hard to please and demanding and snobbish. I would like to know how to be myself and express myself with grace and space, compassion and respect.