Switch

The last several days, I’ve been a little more stable than Mark has. Joe says, and we agree, that my increased stability gives Mark’s subconscious a little permission to let its guard down.

I’ve also been waking up when Amy cries, despite the noise machine and the Ativan.

Therefore, I have put away Mark’s air bed and sleeping bag and the noise machine.

I don’t know if it’ll work or not.

Will I be able to take a turn with Amy during the night? Will I be able to handle Mark’s emotions during the night? Will he be able to handle mine? Will either of us be able to sleep now that we’ve gotten used to not having another person’s movements and sounds to deal with?

But maybe restoring the bedroom will have a good effect — a sense of progress, restoration, a little more normalcy.

I’m anxious.

But the air bed and sleeping bag can be set up again easily enough if need be.

——

Edited to add:

This seemed like such a good idea yesterday morning, but by evening I knew we weren’t ready yet. Mark handles sleep loss much better than I do, and he wants to make sure I am able to take care of Amy in the day. If he has a bad night, he can sleep in and work from home, or I can drive him in if he misses the last bus of the morning.

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