Day five

Amy is sleeping in her swing.

Erin, today’s volunteer, is reading a book.

I am getting nervous about my therapy appointment; I am to call Joe at 3:40. I’ve been a little nervous about it all day.

Amy has been having a good day. She slept a stretch of seven and a half hours last night, which was a great mercy after all the fussiness last evening that had all three of us in tears. The good thing about Amy’s fussiness is that it’s not constant — she’ll settle for a while then randomly burst out crying, then settle again, then cry, and so on. (It was probably not the best night to try to watch Syriana.)

By the time Erin arrived, I was finishing up a feeding. Erin and Amy played on the mat while I reviewed my journal to prepare for my appointment. I think Amy might have dozed a bit, then we changed and fed her again and put her in the swing, and we ate lunch. I also got a page done in the scrapbook — the pictures of her first tub bath.

Soon Amy will wake up, and Erin will get her all to herself to change and feed while I do therapy. Soon after that, Mark will be home, we’ll eat the dinner Bev is kindly bringing, and then I’ll go off to the new moms support group. After that, there’ll be the last new episode of House M. D. until American Idol calms down.


Edited to add:

My therapy appointment was good. I was nervous because I’d felt that last time he was trying to push me away, keep his distance, make me feel I didn’t need him or he couldn’t help me. We were able to talk through that and of course that wasn’t his intention at all, but he said my reaction made sense given things like my fear of abandonment or betrayal, fear of being dismissed or rewritten (being defined by someone else instead of myself), fear of not getting help, attention, or compassion unless I’m in crisis.

The moms support group was not so great. They were talking about putting together a fund-raiser to support the family of a local boy who had been badly assaulted by the neighbor, who was hired by the parents to babysit for a weekend; a known felon, but the parents didn’t know that. They were also talking about other cases, like a baby who is now blind and paralyzed from the waist down, because a staff person at a LICENSED day care center shook her. I’m glad they’re doing this fund-raiser, but I wasn’t quite up for hearing about so much violence against babies and kids.

Oh, and I got a flat on the way home. Had no flashlight, didn’t want to try to change it myself there in the dark. Fortunately a police officer was passing by shortly after I pulled over, and he drove me to a gas station to fill the donut, which was also flat, and then drove me back and helped me change the tire. I got to hold the flashlight. Mark checked the flat this morning, found no holes; it looks fine — we just need to keep it filled.

The House episode was strange… and disappointing… anyone else watch it? What did you think?


3 thoughts on “Day five

  1. I am an avid House fan, and the episode was a bit anti-climactic. I was puzzled by the brain-frying–seemed out of character for Cutty to allow it. And a little far out for the show. House is the only show Dan and I watch regularly–American Idol being the exception, but it started getting old last year. I don’t know how well we’ll keep up this year. Carrie Underwood was going to college 25 miles away from where I live, so that made last year kind a bit interesting.

    Glad your therapy session went well. The issues you mentioned sounded QUITE familiar to me–abandonment, fear of dismissal or being rewritten (huge for me–), fear of not getting what I need unless I’m in a crisis…

    I was in therapy for four years before I had Sadie, and then another year after. I was diagnosed OCD 4 years before I had her, was on meds and became symtom free (thought I was over it…) then had it hit me again at 4 months pregnant (and beyond, as you know.) I’m not currently in therapy, but do still take 60mg of Lexapro a day, and 1mg of Klonopin. I see my Psychiatrist at the end of this month. I think I’m going to try to get off the Klonopin (which I only take at night)

  2. I was surprised that they didn’t bother to check with Brock and Amy to confirm they were engaged… and the erasing of Derek’s memories did seem an extreme solution… mainly I was disappointed that in the end it’s still all a lie for House. It’s scary, even in fiction, for someone to be able to find all those enabling loopholes, and have all those people who are so loyal to him as to commit perjury etc. Or, maybe it’s redemptive… that even someone so undeserving as House is deemed worthy of love and protection, and that the people who love him love him unconditionally…

    Last year’s American Idol season was not interesting to me… I’ll start watching again this season (since it’s replacing House for a few weeks) and see if it keeps my attention this time. I also like to watch This Old House (odd, I know), and I really miss Arrested Development, but we’re rewatching it through Netflix.

    I would love to hear more from you about these issues we have in common; you’ve got my email, right?

  3. About House–I can’t figure out if it’s redemptive either–I was disappointed that he hadn’t really changed–but then, would they have a show if he would change? I see some of myself in House–I expect to be the exception(though I’m not as rude:) and seeing it played out is scary to me. Is he an addict? I don’t have to live with chronic pain (but I do rely on medication to make me ‘normal’…)

    I’d like to converse about said issues with you too–I’ve got your email.

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