Tagged: 8 random things

I’ve been tagged, by Sandi, with the 8 random things meme.

1. Simon Cowell (!) was in my dream last night. He was in charge of casting for a middle school play and I was part of the staff. He was nice to me.

2. I flew (kept in the air) a 6-seater plane for about ten minutes once. The pilot was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, who shared his lunch with me and answered my questions about the instruments and such.

3. I used to like liverwurst.

4. I’ve been to Africa and the Czech Republic; Africa with Wycliffe Bible Translators, to see what the work is like, and Czech with Josiah Ventures, to teach English in evangelistic summer camps for high school and college students.

5. I’d love to go to Indonesia to meet the seventeen-year-old we sponsor through Compassion.

6. I’ve been working on the same knitting project for over a year. It’s Sonnet at Knitty.com; I’m knitting it in a purply-red wool and subbing box stitch instead of garter.

7. I like to watch House M.D., American Idol, and This Old House.

8. I’ve never broken any bones, but I’ve had stitches in at least three places: my chin when I was three and my sister dared me to jump off the cement steps, my finger when I was in high school chemistry and broke a glass stirring rod, and to fix tearing from childbirth.

9. I’m somewhat reactionary / rebellious; sometimes I like that trait in myself and others, and sometimes I hate it.

I won!

I’m one of the winners of Sandi’s contest, selected at random by baby Hazel. Thanks Hazel and Sandi!

As I was thinking about the contest theme (how to encourage a new mother who’s having trouble getting it all done) on the way home from church today, I found myself thinking mostly about the “encourage” part, and, well –

If you want to encourage a new mom, who has just landed in the psych ward with extreme anxiety and sleep deprivation a week after bringing home the baby, offer to take the baby to your own home and nurse her overnight with your own baby, so that the new dad, whose wife has just landed in the psych ward, can get some rest too. Then be available on the phone at all times, and call often, knowing that depressed folks don’t have the motivation to take the initiative to call. Then coordinate a schedule of volunteers from church and community to do whatever is needed for the new family, so that a) there will be people to do what is needed and b) the new parents won’t have the added stress of trying to arrange all that help themselves.

Sounds like a lot to ask of someone. But I didn’t ask. This is just how my friend Tamara encouraged me. Thank you, Tamara. And thank you to all those volunteers, too.

Oopsie Daisy

Thordora’s latest event asks for stories of stupidities.

1. Car vs. porch.

My car was in the driveway. Behind it was my friend’s truck. The complicated option seemed to be for him to get in the truck, back out into the road, let me out, then pull back in, get out of the truck, and go with me wherever it was we were going. I went with what seemed the simpler option — just drive around his truck. However, driving around his truck meant having to maneuver oh so carefully between the truck and the post and railing of the porch stairs. I almost made it… at least I only chipped off a bit of the railing and placed the dent where it didn’t break the headlight.

2. The broom.

Mark and I were taking a load of things to the dump. He backed the borrowed pickup to the dumpster below and we both got out. I got to the back first and started tossing things into the dumpster. I thought it was really odd that he’d put such a decent-looking broom in the pile, but tossed it in anyway. Turns out he’d brought the broom to sweep out the truck. Duh.

For new moms

For Sandi’s contest on how to encourage a new mom “who’s having trouble getting it all done.”

Dear new mom,

I was a new mom almost six months ago. I’m hardly a seasoned veteran, but far enough away from the newborn stage to offer a little perspective.

I recommend creating a philosophy of whatever works, instead of a philosophy of shoulds.

My shoulds started me off on all the wrong feet.

I should have had a completely natural childbirth. Trying to will that to happen took a lot of energy and created a lot of stress. I didn’t manage to avoid induction, but I did get through labor without any other meds. Was it worth it? Maybe; I’m glad I was able to labor without pain meds, but I wish I could have had a more restful, less stressful, less anxious last two weeks of pregnancy.

I should have slept when the baby slept. Except I am not good at falling asleep, and a newborn eats every hour or two, and with changing and burping and everything that doesn’t leave enough time for me to fall asleep and then stay asleep for any length of time. Not to mention the extra anxiety involved in trying to will myself to sleep, knowing that I needed it.

I should have been able to keep my baby happy without a pacifier. But some babies need to suck more than others, and I wasn’t able to play human pacifier; nursing for food was exhausting enough without also nursing for comfort. Nobody goes to college still needing their pacifier, and dental problems aren’t any worse for pacifiers than thumbs.

I should have dropped everything and concentrated all of my energy on the baby, 24/7. Except that I have a lot of emotional baggage around the idea that I’m not allowed to be a self, and even small sacrifices cost me a great deal. And doing the dishes, tidying the house, and so on gave me a little sense of competence in the face of all the inadequacy feelings of new motherhood.

These and other shoulds added so much more anxiety than already comes with a new baby.

The whatever works philosophy started with me taking something for sleep and sequestering myself away for the whole night, while others gave the baby (gasp) formula. This turned out to be insufficient intervention, and I landed in the psych ward a week after we brought the baby home, desperate for sleep, so hyped up on anxiety that I could do nothing. That worked for a few days until they sent me home. What worked next was to give up on nursing and spend nights at the home of friends, since that first week was so traumatic I couldn’t be in my own house, especially around the baby, for very long. Add in therapy and drugs and volunteers from church and my mother-in-law and Mark staying home from work more than planned, for a little more scaffolding.

Your shoulds are probably different from mine. And your whatever works will be different, too. The important things are these:

• Have patience and compassion for yourself and the baby and others.
• Remember your only job is to keep yourself and the baby alive.
• Whatever should is weighing you down, there is a whatever works you can do instead, and it will be okay.
• This, too, shall pass; no one stays newborn forever.

Take care.

PS — Earplugs. You’ll still hear the baby when you need to, but it’ll take the edge off that gut-wrenching tone and volume.

Weirdos unite!

Thordora is sponsoring another “Event.”

One thing that makes me odd… physically, that is…

I can’t use binoculars or a stereo-microscope or see a 3D movie. I had surgery for crossed eyes when I was two and apparently it severed something that helps your eyes work together. Mine only sort of work together — they track together, and I have peripheral vision, but mainly I use my left eye.

This makes driving at night in the rain interesting, as my depth perception depends a lot on shapes and lines, and there are a lot more shapes and lines to deal with when street lights and headlights reflect on wet roads and raindrops.

It also makes sports interesting. I used to play community softball when I was in middle school, and one year I was both right fielder and one of the pitchers. I can throw okay, but I don’t do so well with catching. That’s a depth perception thing, too. No wonder I hate volleyball.