Seven more things

Missy tagged me for the seven weird things meme.

1. My favorite music as a preteen included Laura Branigan and Boy George. Oh boy.

2. Brace yourselves for this one: I had a crush on Ollie North during the Iran-Contra hearings. Yeah, I can’t believe it, either. How old was I then? Oy.

3. I hate getting the dregs out of the kitchen sink drain cup. I avoid it at almost all costs. Likewise, I hate touching food that has been in Amy’s mouth or even touched by her spoon. I don’t like to share food in general, but sometimes I can.

4. And yet I am almost the opposite of germaphobic. I am not exactly driven to keep the house spotless, I don’t like using strong chemicals, I forget to wash Amy’s hands when she’s been outside, we don’t take placemats to the dining hall or use shopping cart covers, and so on. Not that we live in a pigsty or anything.

5. I have equal contempt for both sides of many things. E.g. people who think church should be all about what’s old and traditional and people who think it should be all about the latest thing; to me, both err by thinking age (in either direction) has anything to do with excellence or worth.

6. It’s pretty laughable how I claim compassion and respect as my parenting motto of sorts; maybe it makes sense precisely because I am so prone to contempt instead, so that I need to fight consciously to aim at compassion and respect.

7. I once put salt and pepper on a hotdog. Having observed my family putting salt and pepper on all sorts of other things, I wondered why not a hotdog. I don’t remember how old I was, but I remember everyone’s reacting so shocked and appalled.

I’m still in a no-tagging mood; if you want to play, go ahead, and let me know.

Five by Five again

This time Invisible Emma got me. I don’t know her. But she has a kitty for an avatar photo. She grabbed my blog from Gabriel at Salted Lithium. I recognize his name from Thordora’s blog, but I don’t really know him either. How about that?

So here we go again.

Five Things Found In My Bag

My dulcimer bag this time:

1. CDs for sale
2. Music stand that fits between the dulcimer and the dulcimer stand
3. Wedding ceremony outline with music selections, from yesterday’s gig
4. Tuning wrench
5. Tube holding two pairs of dulcimer hammers

Five Things Found In My Room:

This time I’ll use the music / craft room.

1. Hammered dulcimer
2. Sewing machine
3. Twelve-year-old Ficus tree
4. Home-made shelves and desk — just boards and boxes
5. Amy’s First Year scrapbook album

Five Things You Have Always Wanted To Do:

1. Be who I really am without cost to myself or anyone else
2. Pet any kitty in sight
3. Ride a horse across a huge meadow, often
4. Fly (without apparatus) (also often)
5. Hear God’s voice and know it for what it is (would once be enough? One reason I’m glad I wasn’t around when Jesus first came is that I don’t think I would have been one of those people for whom one encounter was apparently enough. And can you imagine being one of those people he never even noticed?)

Five Things I Am Into Right Now:

1. Cleaning my oven. Last night’s baking soda and salt paste did an amazing job. Now I am trying Sandi’s scouring paste on the remaining spots, letting it sit while I’m online.
2. Thinking about mothers and daughters and spouses and friendships and wondering how it all works and why it doesn’t work and how to make it work better and how to deal with it not working better and things like that.
3. Getting a little more green as I’m able.
4. Trying not to be obnoxious about it.
5. Not accepting obligations I’m not really obliged to accept; like tagging people for memes.

Play if you like! Let me know if you do.

5×5

Kathryn tagged me with this meme.

5 Things Found In Your Bag

Wallet
Planner
Glasses case
Blistex
Keys

5 Favorite Things In Your Room

Noise machine from my father-in-law
Kitty
Journal
Bed
Improvised curtain

5 Things You Have Always Wanted To Do

Perform on a real stage (successfully)
Be the family that invites people over all the time
Get comfortable in my own skin
Love other people well without losing myself
See Jesus

5 Things You Are Currently Into

Sewing
Knitting
Practicing music for a wedding next weekend
Playing with Amy
Blogging

5 People You Want To Tag

None right now. I don’t enjoy this part. Everyone says it’s unfair to just say play if you want to, but that’s really what I feel like doing. If I change my mind, I’ll let y’all know.

Seven things

So no sooner did I make my peace with not doing this meme when Shelley tagged me for it, than Pistol Pete tagged me, too. I suppose I should comply.

1. Sometimes I think it would be cool to have chickens, and maybe a cow. Then I laugh. Then I think about it again.

2. When I’m drawing, my facial expression matches what I’m working on.

3. When I’m concentrating, I forget to breathe. My dad does this, too.

4. I was fired once. And the homeschooling co-op (almost a school, except kids could take one or a few or all their classes there) kept me on for the other class I was teaching. I can’t believe I stayed — but only for the rest of that school year.

5. This is my fourth attempt to do this meme. One I never published. One stayed up for a day. The most recent only lasted as long as it took for me to write this version.

6. I have been Presbyterian (USA), Plymouth Brethren-inspired head-covering rockin’ priesthood of all believers fundy non-denominational, Pentecostal (not really), invisibly oppressive but still rockin’ Bible church fundy non-denominational, and Presbyterian (PCA). I only regret the second to last.

7. I wrote and performed this music, which I haven’t yet recorded on a CD. I get more inquiries for this tune than for anything else I’ve done. I wonder if I’ll ever get to making that next CD, but if I do, guess what’ll be included?

Random Christmas hoopla

Tagged by Thordora for this one.

teh rules:

Here are the rules, as decreed by someone higher up than myself.
1. List 12 random things about yourself that have to do with Christmas
2. Please refer to it as a ‘hoopla’ and not the dreaded ‘m’-word
3. You have to specifically tag people when you’re done. None of this “if you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged” stuff is allowed…then nobody ends up actually doing it. The number of people who you tag is really up to you — but the more, the merrier to get this ‘hoopla’ circulating through the blogosphere.
4. Please try and do it as quickly as possible. The Christmas season will be over before we know it and I’d like to get as many people involved as possible.

Here we go:

1. My dad and I used to wrap most of the presents, even ones for us (boxed and labeled, so still secret). The rules were to try to disguise the gift, and to be creative with the paper, and definitely to add ribbon and such.

2. I still like to wrap presents, and I don’t like gift bags. Not very green of me.

3. I searched and searched for a nativity set I would like. I didn’t really find what I wanted — something simple, wooden, not mass-produced, not holy wood from Israel that costs a fortune — decided on Fontanini, got a whopping bunch of figures all in one year, thanks to family generosity, and don’t really like it right now. Maybe I’ll like it again later.

4. I listen to Christmas music whenever I feel like it, any time of year. Especially if it’s my own album.

5. I find a lot of Christmas music very annoying, but I like a lot of the traditional carols and hymns, done simply and beautifully.

6. Our Christmas tree skirt is a white blanket wrapped around the stand.

7. I have a love / hate relationship with presents. I rarely want to buy any for anyone, and I usually don’t even want to receive many. I am afraid of things that look like obligation.

8. I don’t decorate the house. I had a hard enough time agreeing to put up the tree. I did put out the stuffed tree I made as my first project on my sewing machine, and the bobbing reindeer thing because I figured Amy would like it. And someday I will make stockings for us.

9. We don’t have anywhere to hang stockings.

10. I used to make my own Christmas cards. I don’t even send cards anymore. I have a hard time seeing the point. If it’s to update friends on what I’ve done all year, well, they must not be very good friends if we haven’t been in touch since last Christmas.

11. I used to write back to Christmas cards. Since I rarely got replies, I don’t bother anymore.

12. I’m not really as much a grinch as I sound.

And I hereby tag Sandi, Tamara, and Beauty. I would tag ama but she doesn’t do memes. I mean, hooplas.

33×365

Oh what a fun project I discovered today!

I found it when I decided to visit citycrab, a blogger I used to read regularly.

Here’s the project home: x365.

Basically, you make a list of 365 people you’ve known in some way, and you choose some meaningful number of words or other limiting format (most folks do their age), for the challenge of saying what needs to be said in a short form. Each day, you write that many words about one of the people on the list.

I’m going to do it.

Thordora interviews me

Here’s an interview meme. Feel free to participate, following these rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview Me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

And now, Thordora’s questions.

1. Tell me about why you believe in God. What led you to your belief.

A couple years ago I wrote a post that makes a good long answer to this question.

The short answer:

I grew up going to church and Sunday School. I considered it like regular school — stuff to learn, teachers to please, peers to be disliked by. In middle school, the youth group started studying a little deeper, particularly focusing on the idea that Jesus is a living person who cares about me and wants me to be in relationship with him. I talked to a bunch of people over the year, read the Bible on my own and with others, and prayed.

The things that appealed to me were unconditional, constant, all-knowing and understanding love, trustworthiness, faithfulness, solid ground. In some ways it felt like taking my faith to the next level, and in other ways it felt like God doing something completely new in me.

I continue to believe in God, the Christian God in particular, because to me it’s the theory that best fits the facts. It makes sense of all the darkness in the world as well as all the light. It makes sense of my own darkness and my own dignity. It lets me be a self but also provides something much bigger than myself, and a relationship that connects the two in a meaningful way.

I better quit before this short answer gets as long as the long one!

2. After your experiences with PPD, will you have any more kids?

Right now the answer is no. I don’t ever want to risk that again. Not only for my own sake, but for Mark’s and Amy’s and everyone else that would have to help me.

We have agreed to see how we feel later. Part of me doesn’t want to change my mind — I don’t want to forget how horrible PPD was. Part of me reminds me that I did survive.

3. What’s you best guilty pleasure?

Really tasty desserts are one. Best ever was this fabulous almond gratin at a gig I played last year. A square of almond cake that is so creamy and rich it’s almost a pudding. Topped with a wonderful custardy sauce and heaped with fresh berries. Mmmm…

A long steamy shower is another.

4. What led you to play the hammered dulcimer? (if I’m spelling that right)

This one’s easy: I heard and saw someone else play one! Such a captivating sound, and so interesting to watch. It took a while before I was certain enough and able enough to save the money to get one.

5. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

Oh, how to pick? Lol.

How about resorting to ridicule? I hate it when people can’t be bothered to actually discuss something; when instead they just call names and point fingers, and when their criticism shows they didn’t even try to understand the point of view they’re criticizing. Even if you really think someone else’s belief or opinion or behavior or whatever is laughable or unworthy of attention, it just seems to me you ought to speak about it with respect for the person’s dignity as a human being.

Some others… when people (especially businesses) don’t answer emails or calls or give straight answers… when people don’t bother to proofread even though the tools are so accessible… when people equate cultural things with religious truth (if you don’t have a Jesus fish on your car, you’re not a Christian… if you’re not a Republican, you’re not a Christian… if you drive a car or use phones or electricity or wear modern clothes you’re not a Christian…)… when people can’t talk frankly about things that impact their relationships… when people negate themselves in order to not cause others pain… when people elevate themselves and have no consideration for others… when reality shows and commercials try to make you think everything is the biggest thing ever… when people don’t listen and remember and pay attention… when I come face to face with my weaknesses and sins and failures…

First journal

Thordora asks us to write about a first.

I have a trunk that is half full of journals. They are mostly regular old marble cover composition books, but there are also a few cute ones, and some lovely padded cover ones, all received as gifts. I have been journaling since I was in eighth grade.

Ms. Boulder required her English students to write in journals. I don’t remember whether we had to write every day, once a week, or what, and I don’t remember how she graded us for them (not on content or spelling, must have just been that we were writing). I think I remember sometimes having class time to write, usually with some kind of prompt. I don’t even remember what reasons she gave us for making us write.

What I do remember is that it clicked with me.

Sometimes you don’t really understand your thoughts and feelings unless you have to put them into words.

Sometimes the act of writing about something helps you metabolize those thoughts and feelings, working through them and getting to the other side.

Sometimes it gives new insights.

Sometimes having an audience — even if it’s only yourself — is comforting. It’s encouraging and supporting to be taken seriously and respected, even if it’s only by yourself.

Sometimes it’s interesting — or painful, or funny, or reassuring, or convicting, or, or… — to look back at previous journals and see what life was like then.

My first journaling was mostly diary-style — what I was doing, how I thought and felt about it.

When I came to faith, I started addressing my journal to God. For a long time my journal entries were in the form of prayers. Writing prayers is a great way to stay focused and not fall asleep or follow distractions. These prayers reveal a lot about my faith at the time; the phrases that recur, the bless lists, the efforts to include praise and adoration and not just requests.

Sometimes I would include Bible study notes. I have one where I compared the four Gospels, listing all the bits in four columns, to see where they were parallel and where they diverged. It was interesting, but I still don’t have a good idea of the differences and agreements among them. I think part of the problem is that I’ve mostly read them together. I am now in the process of reading Luke until Christmas; I did that once before with Philippians and it was a valuable way of organizing reading.

I kept a separate journal for poetry (in the front) and musings or personal essays (in the back).

There are sometimes long gaps in my journals these days. I hardly wrote anything during pregnancy, and I haven’t been writing much since, oh, April or May. But that PPD time in between is densely filled.

I still address my entries to God. They are no longer official prayers, but more like conversations with a friend. No, I don’t think God’s only purpose is to be my best buddy, but I don’t think his only purpose is to be far off and high up either. He is both transcendent and immanent. I cast my cares on him because he cares for me, as Peter wrote. I don’t completely understand God’s psychology of the human self, but I trust him to be with me and guide me and provide for me as I work at it.

I love blogging, because it’s part journal, part essay, and includes whatever audience cares to be included, without requiring anyone to attend who doesn’t want to.

But I will always keep a private paper journal as well, for just me and God, and, when useful, for a therapist and for Mark.

High school memories

Here’s a longish meme I found at Chewymom’s; feel free to join in the fun.

1. Who was your best friend?

C. M.

In eighth grade we met by mistake — I thought she was someone else I remembered from years past and started talking to her. We really clicked. That year we both became Christians, through talking with each other, our youth pastor, other Christians, reading the Bible together, and things like that. We were very close throughout high school, but drifted during college. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this issue she brought up once as an academic discussion, was really a personal issue, and my academic response made her feel she couldn’t trust me with the personal side of it.

2. Did you play any sports?

Not in high school.

3. What kind of car did you drive?

First an ‘82 blue Volvo — then an ‘81 after the first one was totaled when someone rear-ended me as I was waiting — with my signal on — to turn into C. M.’s driveway.

4. It’s Friday night. Where were you?

With friends. In a home. Having a great discussion, supporting one another, and enjoying our friendships. Friday night was youth group night.

5. Were you a party animal?

Nope. I was either shy or obnoxious at parties — or both. I am more comfortable with smaller groups of people. I’ve gotten a little more socially gracious since then — I hope.

6. Were you considered a flirt?

I don’t think so. Unpopular folks aren’t usually noticed for anything. There were a few people I flirted with, but not enough to be labeled for it.

7. Were you in the band, orchestra or choir?

Church choir since first grade. I only had one year in the high school choir, but it was pretty cool. Even better, the same year I was in a community choir and the church’s adult choir, both really good.

8. Were you a nerd?

In some ways. I got good grades and was socially awkward, liked Star Trek and fantasy novels, enjoyed pleasing my teachers…

9. Were you ever suspended or expelled?

Nope. I think I only got detention once — for writing on a desk. The conversation was just so interesting I had to join in.

10. Can you sing the fight song?

No. Did we have one?

11. Who was your favorite teacher?

Mr. Krimmel. He was my art teacher two years, and was very encouraging and generous.

12. What was your school mascot?

The Mariners.

13. Did you go to the Prom?

I went to junior prom, with a youth group friend. I got caught up in the romantic atmosphere and was too flirty — I knew he went with me as a friend, but I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. Oops.

I didn’t plan on going to senior prom. When one of my friends was complaining about not having a date, I offered to go with him. He laughed. I stayed home. I don’t really regret it. It’s not like I longed to be part of the inner circle of my class at school.

14. If you could go back, would you?

No. I wouldn’t want to relive it. I wouldn’t want to change it. It was what it was, good and bad, and it’s part of what makes me me.

15. What do you remember most about graduation?

The stupidity of having the girls wear the mustard yellow gowns while the boys got the navy blue.

16. Where were you on Senior Skip Day?

I don’t remember. I might have gone to school…

17. Did you have a job your senior year?

I don’t remember that, either. I had a few jobs during high school, but I think they were all summer jobs? Maybe not. Anyway — I worked at Woolworth’s, Denny’s, a drycleaner’s, and Hallmark Cards with my mom. Oh, and I worked for my pastor, filling and shipping orders for his mail-order baseball card business.

18. Where did you go most often for lunch?

The cafeteria. I remember going out a few times — usually taking a bag lunch to the park with the playground. I love swings.

19. Have you gained weight since then?

Yes. I’m about two sizes larger now.

20. What did you do after graduation?

I went to William and Mary for college.

21. What year did you graduate?

1992.

22. Who was your Senior Prom Date?

N/A

23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion?

I thought about it, but it was far away and expensive. Some of my friends were in other classes or schools — they wouldn’t be there. Most of my class were not my friends. If we didn’t keep in touch already, why would seeing each other at a reunion make any difference? The only reason I would have gone would have been to enjoy the food and show off my husband and new business success — not sufficient reasons to go.

This one is pretty random

Thordora tagged me for this rather random meme.

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

Melanie in Orygun
Mommified Me
Bumblebee Sweet Potato
Spin Me I Pulsate
Becoming Three

(I suppose this part is about getting a manageable chunk of new blogs to check out.)

There are also questions:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

At around this time in 1997, I was probably working at the county parks and rec program day camps.

I’d done some stay-away camp counseling in college, but that’s not a good summer job option when you’re married and your spouse isn’t into camp counseling. So I thought I’d try day camp for a change.

In hindsight I can’t believe they accepted me for the position of inclusion coach. I applied for it because it paid better than the regular counselors. Being an inclusion coach was supposed to mean being an advocate for special needs kids — helping others adjust games and other activities to their abilities, helping them get as much from camp as possible. My experience? Well, I’d subbed in some high school MMR classes (mild retardation) and one or two ED classes (emotionally disturbed). I was not at all prepared for autism, Downs syndrome, ADHD, etc. And all I had was a little experience, no training to speak of at all. Yikes.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

A year ago I was in the second trimester of pregnancy with Amy. I was anticipating a trip to Tennessee later in the month to teach and learn and play at a dulcimer festival in Chattanooga.

Five Snacks You Enjoy

Tart crisp apple slices with extra sharp cheddar on crackers
Plain yogurt with fresh strawberries or nectarines and maple syrup
Party mix with those cool round melba toasts
Chocolate chips
Homemade white grape - peach juice popsicles

Five Songs That You Know All The Lyrics To

The Five Constipated Men of the Bible
Sometimes by Step (Rich Mullins)
On the Loose (Judy Keller; recorded on my first CD, too)
In Him Will I Trust (Me; and no, I don’t know the lyrics to all my songs)
Alleluia (Randall Thompson, a choral piece; Alleluia is the only word. I’m so funny.)

Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire

Half to charity; perhaps Heifer Int’l and Compassion Int’l
Build a house — nothing fancy, but something that has everything I want including character
Have people over often for meals and such
Organic, pasture-fed, free-range, etc food
Amy’s college fund

Five Bad Habits

Not thinking before I speak
Thinking too much about what I say
Talking more than listening
Spending too much time online
Holding grudges

Five Things You Like To Do

Make Amy laugh
Take pictures
Make music
Read
Be with friends

Five Things You Would Never Wear Again

Cross earrings
Bright red pants
Short hair
Sweatshirts with puffy paint pajama-clad teddy bears with pillows
Fluorescent plastic bangle bracelets

Five Favorite Toys

Swings
Camera
Creative Memories tools
Sewing machine
Kitties

Now I get to tag people!

Sandi, Tamara, Shelley, Austin, and Elizabeth.