Nights

Today on the way home from church we were talking about how the nights have been for Amy and Mark. Since the “awful awful night,” she’s only been waking up once (usually fairly calmly) in the middle of the night.

One night she slept a stretch of five hours.

Mark wonders if, once she establishes a regular pattern of sleeping through the night, would he miss these middle-of-the-night feedings… they’re quiet, peaceful… it’s nice to hear that he enjoys this time.

On the other hand I’m sure he’ll also enjoy getting a full night’s sleep again when the time comes.

Amy goes to the store

Today Amy went to the grocery store and to Wal-mart.

First, she had a bath. This was maybe her fourth tub bath. This time she really enjoyed having her hair done. She did NOT like having her face washed. Everything else she didn’t really complain, but was a little hard to hold onto because she’d scoot around pushing her feet against the walls of the sink. So it’s still a two-person job; I held her, and Mark washed.

She was unhappy getting dried off in the hooded towel — hungry, for one thing — and peed on me while I was drying her. Good thing I have another pair of jeans.

Once she was dressed and fed, we took off.

In the car and in both stores, Amy behaved quite nicely — mostly open-eyed and alert, but calm, and the couple times she did fuss, the pacifier proved soothing. She dozed a bit here and there as well.

Now we’re home, and she’s been zonked for about an hour and a half so far. She’s really going to be hungry when she wakes up.

It was nice to go out as a family; and I think this is the most exercise I’ve gotten since our babyless outing December 11 when friend Sherj babysat for us.

A day away

Amy and I spent the day at Jacquie and Craig’s house. Craig is the guitarist in my trio; they have three lovely children, the youngest three and a half years old. And a new kitten.

There was nothing wrong all day, except with me.

Amy didn’t fuss or cry very long at any time, and I was able to feed her twice and change her once and talk to her a little at other times. I had some time without her twice while she was napping. Otherwise, this six and a half hour stretch was the longest I’ve spent being the primary caretaker.

I did okay.

And yet I was fairly tense most of the time, and cried a few times, and got particularly depressed and anxious around the time I decided to come home. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised; evenings are always harder, especially when there’s been any tension building up during the day.

And yet I continue to be surprised by this depression and anxiety.

Anyway, many thanks to Craig and especially Jacquie for welcoming us today and taking such good care of us, even sending us home with dinner.

By the way, last night was better than the night before. Not sure what was so upsetting to Amy that night.

Awful awful night

Amy’s worst evening yet… would fall asleep on Mark’s shoulder, only to rouse immediately if he moved, and would fuss and scream and do the blood-curdling awful yell. Not as bad as constant screaming, but very frustrating for several hours, and nothing worked. She wasn’t hungry, wet, cold, or hot. Mark was getting stressed. Of course so was I. I didn’t sleep well at all. Mark is still asleep (I’m so glad on the one hand — he needs it — but sad on the other — I want his presence) so I don’t know yet how his night went. Amy is starting to wake up, I think. This is going to be a three-Ativan day. Yikes.

Another example of why I hate the “how are you doing” question — yesterday was good, last night horrible, and who knows what will happen next.

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