And I was thinking, if you’re thirsty enough, you’ll drink from this cup. You’ll either drink from this cup or not drink at all.
Where did this thought come from?
There’s the desire to not spoil her, to not “let” her become picky, to teach her to take responsibility for her own choices and face the consequences.
Those are good desires.
On the other hand, I think of the Ezzos and the blue cup / red cup thing — breaking a child’s sense of self by such negations as giving them the blue cup when they ask for the red one, even if both are clean and at hand. I think the Ezzos’ program is awful overall and I do not want to destroy Amy’s self like that.
Is this situation one in which I have sufficient reason to insist on my choice of cup instead of hers? Or is it one in which I have no reason to deny her desire?
The “don’t spoil her” concern is real and valid, but I think it often pops up to justify a prior concern to simply win — for my will to trump hers. I must be careful to fight the temptation to break her will, to negate her developing self-awareness. Instead I must work to guide her and help her deal with these aspects of herself.
And although I saw no reason for her dislike of this cup at the time, it now occurs to me that perhaps the flow rate is frustratingly slow. Or perhaps she doesn’t like the idea of a cup with handles.
Anyway, I’ll put the cup away for a few days and try it again later. It was less than $3; if she doesn’t like it after several tries I can pass it on to someone else.
breaking a child’s sense of self will make for an adult with no sense of self…and adult who doesn’t know they’re worth much. A broken adult doesn’t set clear boundaries, doesn’t leave a relationship when they should, says yes when they mean no and won’t try and outwardly object when they know they do. What we learn as kids is who we’ll become as an adult.
This whole blue cup red cup things gets me because it’s such a small issue. It says to me, even in the smallest things your desires are subject to my moods and my personal unstated agenda. It’s a sippy cup for crying out loud and really, is there a life lesson in sippy cups? At her age her lessons are walking, touching, exploring. Goodness, whomever wrote this book I’m sure his/her kids are in therapy.
Austin (a red sippy cup kind a girl)
Comment by Austin — September 7, 2007 @ 3:04 pm |
I wonder what Amy’s ability to deal with change is? The cup was new, not something she’s use to. Perhaps routine is necessary for her to feel comfortable and secure. Maybe her willingness to take the cup today was because she’s more familiar with it than the other time. I for one don’t’ do well with change. I require a few minutes or longer before moving to the next task. I need that short time between transitions to get use to the idea of the change. From there I can go on and complete my task but I without a doubt need a period of transition.
Austin
Comment by Austin — September 7, 2007 @ 3:06 pm |
Yes, yes! And if you want even more reasons to grind your teeth at the Ezzos, go read that category at Chewymom’s.
Amy is usually pretty flexible. For example, she doesn’t care what she has to cuddle with to go to sleep, as long as it’s fabric. Her sling, any blanket, what she’s wearing, etc.
But perhaps you’re right that today it was more familiar — plus today I let her investigate it thoroughly before asking her to drink from it. And today we didn’t have a messed up morning out like yesterday, which means her nap was on time. Perhaps yesterday she was really hungry by the time that late nap was over, and didn’t have the patience for something new.
Comment by Marcy — September 7, 2007 @ 3:16 pm |
I AM NOT an Ezzo fan and do everything against their advice just for spite! LOL! Seriously, I know many breastfeeding moms whose milk dried up because they were so adament with that Ezzo schedule and had babies with failure to thrive. That’s literally DANGEROUS!
And too, as Austin said, is a cup really the mountain I wanna die on? I think the way I differ from many conservatives is that with these little issues, I just don’t care! I also think every family is different and is SUPPOSED to be~it’s okay that one uses the family bed and one doesn’t, etc. OH I don’t know where to go with that~I have sooo much I could say! LOL! (((((HUGS))))) sandi
Comment by titus2woman — September 9, 2007 @ 6:01 am |