It is 12:48 and…

It is 12:48 and…

…Amy is asleep…
…I am depressed…

It has actually been a pretty good day so far. Amy woke at a normal time; we had a decent time after her morning nap, with some sitting up play (nice to have this back — for a while after we got the entertainer thing she wouldn’t willingly bend at the waist when we tried to pull her up to sitting), some mirror play, some playmat time, some swinging while I played guitar and sang to her (good way to remember Good Friday), some oatmeal, and a bottle.

She fussed about her noon nap — even though she had fallen asleep at the bottle. But I think it was only three bursts of crying before she settled — and the last burst didn’t require my presence. Still, fussing is something I’m still hypersensitive to — it puts me on edge because I fear how long it will last or how angry it might make me.

I made and ate lunch, looked around the internet, and now I’m not sure what I want to do. I was going to work on the photo album (which is sometimes great because I enjoy the creativity, but sometimes depressing because it seems pointless). But I feel tired, and maybe I will go lie down with the kitty for a while.

Of course Amy will wake up anywhere between now and another hour.

I’m depressed because I feel like I haven’t used this naptime well, to get replenished for the afternoon, and maybe now it’s too late. And sometimes I feel like I run out of things to do with Amy, and that makes me anxious.

——

Edited to add: I did lie down with the kitty, and Amy slept for almost another hour. I felt better by then — I think it was good to just rest. And I got another bit done in the photo album during her later afternoon nap.