Day seven

I had a panic attack last night, mostly thinking about today, but as with most anxiety attacks, every other possible thing to be anxious about also made its appearance. I think I finally got calm enough to sleep around midnight or so.

Today Mark had a dentist appointment at 8:30, which meant he had to leave by 8, which is when I’ve been getting up, and it has been difficult for me to shake off sleep and be ready to do anything when I do get up. Also, I had no volunteer for the morning. Mark offered to come back after his appointment, but I know he needs to work instead. It’s going to be enough of a challenge for him to get this thesis written and do the job search thing without any extra burdens from me. I’m enough of a burden already.

Amy has been having a pretty good day so far. She was awake from about 8 to about 10, and had some play time between getting changed and getting fed. She napped nicely until about 11:30, and fell asleep again around 1; she just roused a bit (1:30) but I hope she might doze on and off for a while longer.

I’m having a bit of a crash, just feeling sad and alone and very defensive. My afternoon volunteer, Sarah, is coming around 3 and staying an hour and a half. Then Mark should be home, and it’ll be bathtime for Amy. And then maybe bathtime for me.

No luck on that continued dozing… oh well.

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Edited to add:

The dozing did continue after all. And the crash didn’t last very long. I decided to wash all of Mark’s dress shirts, which he hasn’t worn since he was a teacher, oh, several years ago.

Amy woke up again somewhat before 3, and I was just finishing changing her when my afternoon volunteer, Sarah, arrived. I fed her, and found her a position that seemed more comfortable for her tummy, which seemed to be bothering her. (Her in that sentence is Amy, of course, not Sarah. Ha ha ha, I’m so funny…) Then she had some more play time on the mat, then had a cuddle and fell asleep in my arms. Meanwhile Sarah and I talked about all sorts of things, and she helped me by putting the shirts in the dryer and then hanging them up when they were done.

Then Mark got home, and indeed, it was bathtime for Amy, and then bathtime for me. And now we’re about to eat dinner, kindly provided by Tony.