Today I have been slow and somewhat depressed. I gave myself permission to crash a little — to just rest and be. After all:
- I got through those first two days really well, but at the same time it took a lot of energy, and to an anxious person, success is often almost as scary and costly and exhausting as failure.
- I had a dream last night that was upsetting. It had to do with feelings and beliefs about how I function in social relationships.
- Mark and I have been talking about a particular job opening. I’m not sure I want to live in that place, but then again the other places that have openings right now might not be any better. This particular one wants to make their hiring decision in early February, so it’s a bit of a rush to consider it. We are sure other offers will come up, so if this one turns out to be a bad fit for one or both of us, that’s probably okay. We are just not very good at making decisions, together or individually, big or little.
So, I let Ann take care of Amy the whole time she was here, about 9:45 to 12:30. She’s been well-nurtured — changed and fed and cuddled — and she’s been quite content. Oh — and I should mention that she slept SEVEN hours last night, from 10 to 5.
She fell asleep again just before Ann left, and is still sleeping now at about 2:00. She will probably wake up within a half hour or so. Mark will be home about 3:45, so I don’t have much longer to go alone, and I will be able to take care of Amy when she wakes up.
I don’t think anyone needs to view today as a failure, or reason for increased concern; I think it’s just part of the wavy nature of depression.
Well, if it helps any, I haven’t felt any too energetic today, either. Sounds like this has been a good day, though maybe not all full of energy. I’m glad you gave yourself permission to just rest and be for a while. That’s great! In fact, that’s probably great enough to make the whole dat great.
Wow - job offers and moving decisions! You know we know how that is, since we’re going through some of that very same thing right now. I know it adds stress to things when you want less stress. At least you’ve had some prior knowledge that this was coming. In our situation, we had settled on staying where we are, and out of the blue comes this thing about us moving! At least we’ve been there and know something of the place. I’ll email you off-blog and tell you some of the the things we’ve been looking at and some suggestions to maybe help with making these decisions. You probably alreeady really now most of them, but sometimes there are ways to find out more about a place than you think.
Anyway, glad things have gone well, if not energetically, today, and glad your church has come along-side to help. I applaud them!
Comment by Rick — January 5, 2007 @ 3:20 pm