Things were looking up for a while there, and I’m sure they will again, but high anxiety hit again last night and this morning. Not quite another panic attack, but awfully close. Mainly for logistical reasons — because it’ll get me immediate help, not because I’m in immediate danger — the midwives want Mark to take me to the emergency room where a psychiatrist will evaluate me. Mark will be with me, and I’ll be able to nurse Amy if I feel up to it, and otherwise he’ll have formula and bottles with him.
I think sleep deprivation is still a huge factor. Also hormones. Plus my past patterns of anxiety and depression, especially in the face of huge obligations that overwhelm me. Not to mention the normal but trying unpredictabilities of a newborn, changing from minute to minute, making me feel sometimes (most of the time?) like she’s a little time bomb waiting to go off without notice, even when she’s apparently asleep or quiet.
I wrote her a little note this morning, explaining what was going on and telling her that even though I can’t seem to take care of her like I should, I still love her.
Thank you all for continuing to pray, and for all the encouragement.
Still praying for you Marcy. You are a great parent and you will get through this…..
Comment by Larry — November 28, 2006 @ 12:41 pm
I love you, Marcy! I know you love your darling Amy! and I’m so sorry for this trial and again really, really wish I were close by enough to help. (((((HUGS))))) sandi
Comment by sandi — November 28, 2006 @ 2:19 pm
When I was 17 I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with having MCD, major clinical depression. I believe I have been depressed since the age of about 14. But it was never labeled until I was put in the hospital for attempting to take my own life. It took many years for me to get better. But I got better on my own terms, because I did not like using the millions of different anti-depressants they put me on that never worked and I was not a big fan of speaking to the professionals. But I never truly healed until about the age of 21. I do so much to help myself now, the list is too long to mention. Many people thought that I would suffer from severe post-partum depression, but surprisingly I was fine. I mean, I cried when overwhelmed, but I don’t think I experienced any of the emotions you may be feeling. Anyway…
I really wanted to mention to you too seek out professional help, but was not sure how you would take it.
So, I am glad that someone did though and that you might be able to get the help you need. Especially since you have past experiences with anxiety and depression.
I sincerely hope they will be able to help you in this time of need. Sometimes just talking to someone, outside of it all, can be helpful. I hope they have good advice.
Well, you are not alone. Your support system seems so strong and large. We love you.
Sandra
Comment by Sandra — November 28, 2006 @ 7:43 pm
Marcy - We’ve been monitoring the blog and praying hard for you. I think that you guys have made wise, thoughtful, and loving decisions all along (hallmark of great parents!)and I believe that God will continue to guide you and equip you and help you. I’m glad you guys have decided to get medical help - I think it’s a positive step. We’ll continue to pray and look for God to meet you in tangible and unmistakable ways. He IS the God of Psalm 121. We love you guys so much and wish we could be with you right now to help.
Love, Jen Van Horn
Comment by Jen Van Horn — November 28, 2006 @ 11:16 pm
Marcy and Mark– We are thankful for your website and we pray for you and Amy incessantly. We are glad that you are seeking help and know that you are strong and this trial will make you stronger. Please let me know if you want me to come up. You have so much love and such a great heart, you will be a wonderful mother and father.
Comment by Pat — November 29, 2006 @ 2:40 pm
Hey Marcy - You and Mark have great judgement and always seem to make the right decisons (for instance, on a smaller scale, watching football and star trek - the original of course). Thus, I have no doubt that you’ll make it through this with flying colors. Here’s rooting for the winning team!
Comment by JP — November 30, 2006 @ 4:55 pm
I’ve been watching to see if you were able to update the blog after your meeting with the psychiatrist. I do want you to know, when you read this, that we are continuing to pray and I’ve put your name in to our prayer team at church for prayer for all this.
God will not allow you to be tempted (to despair or give up or whatever) beyond your ability to deal with it. With the temptation, or, rather, the situation in which you are tempted to do these things, He makes a way out. May you find it soon, if you haven’t already.
Comment by Rick — November 30, 2006 @ 11:21 pm
I just wanted to let you know you remain in our thoughts. We’d LOVE to get an update from you and if you need someone else to talk to pick up the phone and call! None of us wants to bug you though or put pressure on you to do or say anything you’re not up to.
Dan
Comment by Dan Landrum — December 1, 2006 @ 12:17 am
Marcy is still in the hospital and may come home today. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers, they are truly needed. It calms me to think of your prayers for Mark and Marcy. We are truly dependent on God in this situation, and I believe he will supply all of our needs abundantly above all we can ask or think. Thanks for your support. Noella (Grandma Prochaska)
Comment by Mom Prochaska — December 1, 2006 @ 12:19 pm
*THANK YOU!* for the update, Grandma Prochaska! (((((HUGS))))) sandi
Comment by sandi — December 1, 2006 @ 1:25 pm
Thanks for the update, Grandma P.
As Dan said above, we want to know how they’re doing, but don’t want to bug them. We’ll keep on praying.
Comment by Rick — December 1, 2006 @ 3:14 pm
Marcy,
Just thinking about you early this morning and wanted to tell you again, (did I tell you before?), that you are so smart to be getting help. You go girl!
Dan L
Comment by Dan Landrum — December 2, 2006 @ 8:39 am
Thank you all so very much.
Comment by Marcy — December 3, 2006 @ 7:05 pm