Morning

I slept fairly well last night. The Benadryl helped. I know I got up several times to go to the bathroom or change positions, and a few times I started to get anxious, but I was able to remind myself that whatever happens is okay, and that the baby is fine.

The rest of yesterday was fairly similar — a little less anxiety, a little more ability to de-escalate it, and I even lay down twice without panicking (also without sleeping, but oh well). My mom massaged my neck and shoulder twice, and that has started to help them relax. And I went the entire day and night without calling on the midwives. Two church friends and an out-of-state friend called me, too, which was helpful and nice.

This morning I don’t have the energy I expected I would have after such a better night, and I’ve been crying off and on:

I fed Amy at 6:30, and she didn’t get settled to sleep until 7:45, and then she woke up again fussy with gas at 8:15. After we managed to get some burps and pass gas, she acted hungry again, so I fed her at 8:30. No luck settling her down again or getting any burps, and when she started crying again I fed her again at 9:25. As usual, she fell asleep while nursing — I kept rousing her to finish ten minutes, but then put her down on the changing table in order to put on my sling. She stayed asleep — and I don’t know how wise or unwise it is for me to be doing this, but I’ve left her there to sleep as long as she will, and then when she rouses next I’ll nurse her on the other side and carry on from there…

I’m trying to get used to doing as much for Amy as I can by myself, in preparation for my parents leaving and Mark going back to work. How overwhelming it is to think that there might often be no rest for me from feeding to feeding… I need to learn how to use my sling, including how to nurse with it on, so that I am not tied down to a chair and so I don’t tire out my arms too much.

Edited to add:

She roused again at 10:15, and spent 5 minutes nursing on the other side, and the rest of this time she’s been sleeping in my arms. I’ve got my Boppy under us, with Amy’s head on my left elbow and her feet in my lap, so she’s at an angle where any bubbles can come out if they want to.

Should I have gone through the whole procedure — burping, changing the diaper — or is it okay that I’m letting her sleep after nursing? Doing it this way has at least allowed me more uninterrupted time to myself. Oh my that sounds selfish.

Meanwhile, Mark has been sleeping since 6:30, which is wonderful, he needs it. It breaks my heart to see him exhausted. My mom has been up with him a fair bit at night, and she thinks he puts her down in the basket too soon, before she’s in a deep sleep. My mom on the other hand will sit up holding her for an hour or more until she’s deeply asleep, and then put her down. I’m sure there are all sorts of opinions… and I know some folks say you should never put a baby in her crib when she’s already asleep, because then she won’t learn to fall asleep there on her own. But when you’re exhausted, you don’t want to risk ever waking her up. I guess you do what you need to do at any given moment.